


Enough

by ATTHS_TWICE



Series: A Collection of “First Times” (Both Canon and AU) [13]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Confusion, Decisions, Episode: s02e01 Little Green Men, Episode: s02e05 Duane Barry, F/M, First Time, Friendship/Love, Happy, Humor, Love, Partners to Lovers, Partnership, Post Firewalker, Post-Episode: s01e24 The Erlenmeyer Flask, Post-Episode: s02e02 The Host, Post-Episode: s03e02 Paper Clip, Post-Episode: s04e10 Paper Hearts, Post-Episode: s04e23 Demons, Post-Episode: s05e20 The End, Post-Episode: s06e03 Triangle, Post-Episode: s06e19 The Unnatural, Post-Episode: s07e04 Millennium, Separations, Sex, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:33:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23840128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ATTHS_TWICE/pseuds/ATTHS_TWICE
Summary: The X Files have been shut down and Mulder and Scully have been reassigned. What consequences does it hold, when upon hearing it has happened, the night turns passionate? How do they navigate the aftermath?
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Series: A Collection of “First Times” (Both Canon and AU) [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983421
Comments: 27
Kudos: 187
Collections: X-Files Angst Fanfic Exchange (2020)





	1. Crossing the Line

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sarie_Fairy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarie_Fairy/gifts).



> For Sarie_Fairy 
> 
> Your prompt:  
> One of them wants their relationship to be more than just friends/colleagues. The other has reservations, or is shocked, or doesn't want it, or wants it but is scared, fear or anger or jealousy might be involved (it's your story)... Angst ensues.
> 
> Oof, let me tell you, this one had me traveling down many possibilities, but none felt right. Scrapping all those ideas, I decided on this one last Saturday and started writing it on Sunday. The more I dove into it, the more I fell in love with it. 
> 
> I hope you like it and that it is at least sort of what you had in mind. ❤️

_May 26th 1994_

Scully sighed heavily as she waited for the red light to change, nearly to Mulder’s apartment. The late night phone call from him had led to her quickly changing out of her pajamas and getting in her car.

Shut down. They were being shut down and reassigned. 

She shivered, feeling like ice water had been poured onto her. She could both not understand why they would be shut down, but also knew exactly why, and she did not like it. She needed to talk to Mulder and not over the phone. 

When he opened his door, he seemed surprised to see her, but let her in, his eyes both sad and angry. He sighed as the door closed and he looked at her. 

“You shouldn’t have come over this late,” he said quietly and she frowned at him. 

“Are you serious? After you tell me Skinner is shutting us down? Where else would I be?” She stared at him and he nodded, guiding her to the couch. 

They sat and talked about what Skinner had said, what reason he had given to do this to them.

“I… I shouldn’t be surprised, but after all this… the proof I’ve uncovered.” He sighed, pacing the living room. “They think I’m a joke, why wouldn’t they shut me down?” 

“ _We_ , Mulder. _We_ are being shut down.” 

“Scully…” 

“No, it’s _both_ of us. This is happening to both of us.” 

“I know. I know,” he said, looking at her as he nodded his head with a tight smile. 

“Mulder,” she said quietly, hating to see his eyes full of so much sadness. 

“Scully…” he sighed and watched his shoulders slumping in defeat. 

She got up from the couch and stood in front of him, wanting to tell him it would be okay. She knew she could not, not with complete honesty. Words were not worth anything in that moment, she knew that, and so instead she wrapped her arms around him and said nothing. 

He seemed surprised at first, but then he pulled her close, holding her tightly, both of them breathing deeply. She closed her eyes and shook her head against his shoulder, feeling the threat of tears, but tried to push them down.

“I’m so sorry, Mulder,” she whispered and she felt him hold her tighter as he took a deep shuddering breath. “I…” 

“Scully,” he breathed and she pulled back to look at him, needing to see his face. 

His eyes were closed and she sighed, as she put a hand on his cheek, her thumb running over the scratch of his light stubble. He opened his eyes and stared at her, his sadness in them as they searched her face. 

Without any previous plan to do so, she raised up on her tiptoes and kissed him, holding his face with her hand. As soon as she realized what she had done, she stepped back, her eyes wide, and tried to pull her hand away, but he stopped her. 

Holding lightly to her wrist, he brought it back to his face, her hand now in a fist. Keeping her hand against his face, she opened it and placed her palm back upon his cheek. He smiled softly, his eyes flicking to her lips. When she made no protest, he leaned down to touch his lips to hers. 

Though she knew it was coming, she drew in a breath as though from surprise and her mouth opened, his tongue sliding inside. His other hand gripped her waist and she leaned into him, grasping at his shirt, holding on tightly. He let go of her wrist and moved his hand to her hair, their kiss becoming more passionate as they moved toward the couch. 

He held her as he fumbled, sitting down heavily onto it, with her on top of him. Breaking from their kiss, she stared down at him, feeling the need to apologize and run out as fast as she could. 

But then his hand was on her cheek and his thumb was stroking softly, and the look in his eyes made her pulse race. Ignoring the logical voice in her head, she listened instead to her heart and kissed him again. 

His hands landed on her thighs as she leaned back and took a breath, his eyes burning into hers as she lifted her sweater over her head, and tossed it behind her. 

He drew in a ragged breath and she had to resist the urge to cover herself, the bravery she felt seconds ago, quickly fleeting. Then, his hands were on her skin and it made her feel hot and unlike she had in awhile. 

His hands moved around her back and pulled her down to his mouth, her hands landing on his shoulders. She felt him twisting her bra and unhooking it, her body now feeling like hot liquid. 

The straps loosened on her shoulders and she moved quickly to take it off, needing to feel his hands everywhere on her body. She was not disappointed, as he had her breasts in his hands at record speed. 

“Mulder,” she gasped as she arched back, rocking into him, feeling him hardening beneath her. 

“God,” he groaned, holding her around the waist and leaning forward to take a nipple into his mouth. She cried out as his teeth grazed her flesh and his fingers pressed into her skin. 

Her head was racing and her heart pounding, and it seemed like mere seconds until she was completely naked and on her back, the leather cool against her overly warm skin. 

Mulder was over her, staring into her eyes. Behind the fire of desire, she saw a second of hesitation. She could feel him, hard against her, and she ached to have him inside of her. 

“Con… condom,” he stuttered out and started to move back. 

“It’s okay. I… it’s okay,” she whispered with a nod and he stared at her. She nodded again and reached for him, bringing him back as her leg wrapped around him and he slowly slid inside of her, both of them exhaling simultaneously. 

Keeping a tight grip on him, she silently told him to keep still as she grew accustomed to his size. With a nod, she loosened her grip, and he pulled out slowly, causing her to gasp in a sharp breath. 

“Am I hurting you?” he asked and she gasped again. 

“No. It feels so good,” she breathed, shaking her head, crying out as he slid back in, deeper than before. 

“Scully,” he groaned and she gripped his sides, echoing her pleasure as she said his name. 

Everything else was forgotten as they moved together. He made her feel things she had never felt before, her body responding to his touch. Even without speaking, and having never taken this step together, they fell in sync. He seemed to read her mind as he shifted his position a little and she saw spots behind her eyes at the sensation it created. 

“Oh, Mulder,” she moaned with a whimper, her fingers laying claim to every inch of flesh they could touch.

She was nearing her peak faster than she ever had in the past, with another or on her own. She felt it everywhere, like an electrical charge building in her body and about to explode. Unable to focus on anything else, she held onto him and her breath, as with another push, she fell. 

Calling his name and pulling him closer, she pulsated around him, the spots behind her eyes growing larger and her hearing fuzzy as blood pounded through her veins. Disconnected from anything except the way she felt in that moment, she was only aware she was pressing her nails so deeply into him, when she began to return to herself. 

“I’m hurting you,” she panted and she ran her hands over him soothingly. 

“Quite the opposite,” he breathed, thrusting slowly, as she still quivered around him. 

“God, Mulder,” she whispered as he began to go faster, seeking his own release. 

Holding him close, his breath was hot on her neck. The hairs on his chest created a sensual friction and heightened her own recent release, bringing her near the edge once more; something that very rarely happened for her. 

“Sc… Scully,” he stuttered, as he pushed into her harder than before. “Ohhhh.” He stilled and shuddered against her, his hips thrusting slower, as he stayed deep inside of her. He breathed deeply, whispering her name, as he lay heavily upon her. 

Her body was thrumming as she tripped over the edge again, quieter than before, but still feeling amazing as it happened. She heard him repeating her name, his lips against her throat, as she ran her fingernails up and down his back. 

Minutes ticked by as they remained together, and then reality began to set in for both of them. He shifted and pulled back, looking at her with an unreadable expression. He moved, leaving her laying on the couch, as he picked up his underwear and left the room without saying a word. She could hear him in the kitchen, opening and closing cupboards, as she covered her mouth with her hand and closed her eyes. 

She had slept with her partner. 

_Ex-partner_ , her brain reminded her, and she shook her head. As if that made any difference. He was still her partner, it did not matter if they were working together or not. 

And now she… _they_ had crossed a line they would never be able to uncross. A line she had set after breaking things off with Jack. A promise to not become involved with someone she worked with so closely. Now she had gone and fucked it all up. 

Quite literally. 

She had not anticipated this being what happened when she came over tonight, not in any way. And know they were both facing those realizations… alone. 

She had to talk to him. Needed him to know that she had not meant for this to happen, as utterly amazing as it was. Standing up, she wobbled a bit as she picked up her underwear and slid them on. Grabbing his shirt, knowing it would cover more of her body, and unable to find her own, she put it on, buttoning half the buttons on her way to the kitchen. 

“Hey,” he said, looking over at her quickly before looking away as she walked into the room. “I uh… I was… looking for… some um…” 

“Mulder,” she interrupted, now hating that she had chosen his shirt, knowing that it might send the wrong message. She tugged at it and could not meet his eyes. “Mulder, I… _that_ was not why I came over here tonight. I don’t… that’s not… _I’m_ not...” She closed her eyes and crossed her arms tightly, holding onto her body, not sure why she was unable to just _say_ the words. 

“Scully,” he said softly, his voice close, and she opened her eyes, surprised to find him standing closer to her. 

“I don’t want you to think less of me,” she whispered, cutting across anything he would say, dropping her eyes to the floor, feeling close to tears.

“I would never,” he answered, frowning as he shook his head slowly. 

“I don’t… I wouldn’t have…”

“Scully… it wasn’t just _you_ ,” he said softly, and she looked up as he stepped closer and she automatically stepped back. He paused and they stared at one another. 

His hair was mussed from her fingers running through it and his lips were swollen from her kisses. They were both nearly naked as they stood in his kitchen. Christ, they _had_ been completely naked just moments ago. 

He had been _inside_ of her… 

“I know it wasn’t just me, Mulder. But I…” 

“Scully…” 

“It’s different for a woman,” she said quietly and he looked at her in confusion. 

“Sex?” 

“No. Well, yes… but it’s not what I meant.” 

“It’s…” 

“It holds different consequences for women… personal, career… I…” She shook her head, feeling it spinning with the realization of what they had just done. 

“What’s the worst they could do? Split us up?” he asked with a sardonic smile and she closed her eyes. 

“Mulder…” 

“Do you regret it?”

He asked it so quietly and yet it felt so loud. The only question that truly mattered. She opened her eyes and stared at him, his eyes searching her face. 

“No,” she whispered, and he smiled softly with a nod and she bit her lip. 

“I know it wasn’t why you came here tonight, Scully. I would never have assumed or imagined this would be where the night led. I don’t regret it, and I would never think less of you. Never.” He shook his head and she sighed. 

They stared at one another and she dropped her head, looking down as she nodded, her mind reeling. She saw his feet as he stepped closer and she took a deep breath before looking up at him. 

He shook his head with a hesitant smile as he stared at her, his eyes roaming across her face. He brought a tentative hand to her cheek, his fingertips grazing lightly, as so many questions were asked silently. He opened his mouth to say something and she shook her head slightly, knowing they had reached an understanding. 

She placed her hand over his wrist, mirroring his touch from earlier. Taking a deep breath, she moved her hand up to his and brought it down, holding it within her own. Thinking about what he had said, she felt emboldened. 

Tugging at his hand, she stared at him as she pulled him out of the room. Continuing through the apartment, she stopped at the door beside his couch and smiled at him hesitantly as he looked at her questioningly. 

“I’m assuming this is your bedroom,” she said softly, still a little unsure of where they stood, literally and figuratively, but letting him know she had no plans to leave yet. 

He nodded as he kept his eyes on her, making completely sure this was what she wanted. When she smiled slightly, he chuckled softly with a nod. 

Opening the door, they stepped inside. He apologized profusely for the mess in the room, but she did not really care how it looked. He began to move boxes around and create a space, as she made her way to the bathroom.

Staring at herself in the mirror, she took a deep breath, worrying again that despite what he had said, that this had been a mistake. Deciding to stop listening to her head, she used the bathroom and washed her hands. 

Walking into his bedroom, he stood waiting nervously as she walked past him and pulled the covers back on his bed. She looked at him, silently asking if it was okay, and he nodded with a smile. 

She lay on her back as he used the bathroom, the covers pulled up to her chest, as her head yelled at her to get up and leave. Now. 

Ignoring it yet again, she glanced over as he joined her, neither of them speaking. Several minutes of silence filled the room, as too many thoughts began to crowd in. 

She heard the blankets rustling and then his hand found hers in the dark, his fingers squeezing as he held on tight. 

__________

When she left a few hours later, she did so with both a confused head and heart. 

Despite her words to him in the kitchen, of her worries regarding the consequences of the line they had crossed, _she_ had been the one to once again seek him out in the darkness. She had kissed him first, pulling him on top of her, as she breathed his name. His fingers had been hungry, as well as his mouth, but _she_ had instigated it. 

Again. 

Leaning her head back against the elevator wall, she closed her eyes as it traveled to the ground floor. Walking out, she knew they could not do that again, no matter how mind-shattering amazing it had been. 

He was her _partner_ for God’s sake. 

_Not anymore_ , her brain reminded her yet again, and she sighed, wishing it would just shut the hell up. 

Enough. 

They could not do that again and she knew it. Giving into that temptation once was enough, but _twice_? No… they could not do it again. 

She needed to be smarter and not allow her emotions to take precedence. She could no longer afford to listen to her heart. 

It was too steep of a price to pay. 


	2. Blurring the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the days after the shutdown of the X-Files, Scully and Mulder have to navigate their newly discovered... relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things have changed and now they must figure out what that means for the present and the future.

_May 27th 1994_

Stepping off the elevator and walking toward Skinner’s office, Scully smoothed down her jacket and adjusted her badge. She was aware that it was her own paranoia causing her to feel that other agents were staring as she passed by. Keeping her head high, she continued to the office, letting his secretary know she was there for their appointment. 

She left less than fifteen minutes later, reassigned to again teach at Quantico starting Monday morning. She had hardly spoken a word, letting her _lack_ of discussion, show her anger and annoyance at the decision to shut them down. Skinner had cleared his throat a lot and avoided direct eye contact as much as possible. She knew his hands were tied and yet she could not help but place her blame upon him. 

Resisting the urge to drive to Mulder’s, she went home and cleaned her apartment, keeping her hands busy, to try and quiet her mind.

Memories of the night before kept playing in her head and she had to stop and catch her breath. She needed to push them from her mind, or at least hope they came up less and less, or she was going to be in trouble. 

She did not reach out to Mulder the entire weekend, nor did he make any attempts to contact her. Things were different and while in the moment they had seemed settled, she knew they were not. Not without having a deeper discussion. 

Sunday night, feeling nervous as she paced and prepared for the next morning, a loud knock sounded at the door and she jumped. Walking over, she peered through the peephole and saw Mulder swaying on his feet. Opening the door, she was greeted with the overwhelming smell of whiskey, as it burned her eyes and nose. He smelled like he fell in a barrel of it and forgot how to swim. 

She grasped his arm and pulled him inside, sitting him down at a dining room chair. Making a small pot of coffee, she listened to him sighing and clearing his throat. Turning to look at him, she saw he had his head in his hand, and his eyes were closed. 

She had never seen him drunk and she doubted he had intended to let it go as far as he had. Having not seen, or spoken to him since their night together, she was having a hard time not feeling offended that it seemed he thought he needed to get drunk in order to come over and see her.

But then, she knew what losing the X-Files meant to him, and how he was hurting. In the uncertainty of what would happen, sometimes the answers to pain and confusion were easier to find in a bottle of amber liquid, and not in a difficult and unwanted discussion. 

The coffee finished brewing and she poured him a cup, sliding it in front of him. He nodded slightly and picked it up. Knowing she could not join him in drinking a cup, or she would never get to sleep, she sat across from him and watched him drink it, not saying anything. 

When he was finished, he looked at her and stood up unsteadily, swaying backward on his feet. He stumbled toward the couch, and she stood up to follow. He sat down hard before leaning over and falling asleep almost immediately. She took off his shoes and covered him with a blanket, leaving him to sleep it off, as she went to bed. 

When she woke up, she walked into the living room to see how he was feeling, and found that he had already gone. The blanket was folded on the end of the couch and as she went into the kitchen to make her coffee, she found a sticky note on the carafe. 

“ _I’m sorry for last night. Thank you for taking care of me_.” 

Reading his words, she smiled, though it was rather bittersweet. He was sorry for last night, but made no mention of a couple of nights before. Sighing, she turned toward the bathroom to get ready, her focus on the present and not the recent past. 

_____________

_June 3rd 1994_

The first week back at Quantico passed quietly, with no word from Mulder yet again. She tried to get in touch with him, but he did not return her calls or emails, and it was concerning her. What had he been up to with his reassignment? Where had they sent him, to be of the best service to the bureau? 

Friday night, she came home exhausted and looking forward to a glass of wine and a long soak in the tub. Opening a bottle of one of her favorite wines, she slid off her shoes with a tired sigh. As she walked down the hall to the bathroom, a glass of wine in hand, she heard a soft knock at the door. 

Opening it, Mulder stood there sheepishly, his hands in his jacket pockets, and his head down. She sighed and stared at him, waiting for him to say something, not sure she _wanted_ to let him in tonight. 

“I uh… I’m sorry. I… I’ve been… 

"A shit? An asshole?” she asked, her eyebrows raised as she watched him sigh with a nod. Looking up, he sighed again and stared at her. 

“Yes. To both. I didn’t… I wasn’t… Scully, I…” He shook his head and let out a heavy sigh. 

She nodded, understanding what he was attempting to say. Opening the door wider, she let him in and closed the door behind him.

“Would you like some wine?” she asked softly, as he took off his coat and laid it on the couch. 

“Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks.” He smiled and she went to get him a glass. 

“Thanks,” he said quietly as she handed it to him and she hummed in response. 

They stood staring at one another, each of them taking a drink from their glass. He coughed a little and then sighed. 

“I was just going to take a bath,” she said and he nodded. He stared at her and then, tilted his head toward the couch, implying he would wait. She nodded and then smiled softly, walking into the bathroom. 

As she relaxed in the tub, she breathed a sigh of relief. After the days she had spent worrying over how he was doing and the calls that had gone unanswered or returned, he was just down the hall, sitting on the couch and waiting for her. 

When she had gotten dressed, she joined him on the couch where he refreshed her glass of wine. Smiling her thanks, she took a sip of wine and stared at him. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and she found it no longer mattered. 

Her heart once again making the decisions, even as her head screamed that it was wrong, she reached for his hand and laced their fingers together. 

For that night she did not have to worry about where he was or how he was doing. 

Not that night… or for the rest of the weekend. 

_______________

_June 17th 1994_

That weekend became a distant happy memory however, as days later he once again disappeared and caused her to worry. Nearly two weeks of little to no word brought her to his apartment. Not bothering to knock, certain he would not answer, she used the key he had given her, and stepped inside. 

The stench of old food hit her first and nearly gagged her. It was dark inside despite it being mid-afternoon. The blinds were closed and no lights were on except for the one glowing in the fish tank. 

She saw old Chinese takeaway cartons, a couple of pizza boxes, and dirty plates stacked haphazardly on top of each other on the coffee table. There were also empty beer bottles and a half full bottle of tequila. Mulder was sleeping on the couch, snoring softly, his face dark with stubble. 

Taking a deep breath, she began to bring the dishes to the kitchen, filling the sink with warm water and soap. Grabbing a trash bag from under the sink, she put the food cartons and beer bottles inside, while he continued to snore on the couch. 

When the room was cleaner and the trash disposed of, she woke him, speaking to him gently. His eyes were bloodshot when he opened them and his breath was horrid. She pulled him to his feet and into the bathroom, where she started the shower and quickly undressed him, helping him step into the shower. 

When he was done, dressed, and in bed, she knelt beside it and brushed his hair back, telling him to get some rest. He caught her hand as she made to leave and looked up at her with his eyes that seemed to always be sad and hopeless recently. 

“Stay. Please.” 

And she did, staying with him until Sunday morning.

Lying in his bed in the early morning light, she pleaded with him to not go dark on her again, and he nodded against her shoulder. 

A promise made, but not kept. 

_______________

_July 5th 1994_

Fifteen days. 

That was how long it had been since she had heard from him. Growing concerned, she went to the bureau headquarters to check on him. Waiting in the hall for the moment she knew he would pass by her, she was nervous as to how he would respond to her. 

“Good afternoon, Agent Mulder,” she said, smiling slightly, waiting for him to acknowledge that she was standing there, but he continued walking on. 

As she watched him walk away, she was hurt, but glad she had been smart enough to also leave him a note she knew he would not be able to ignore. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and she would do whatever she could, not wanting a repeat of finding him passed out in his dark apartment. 

______________

_July 8th 1994_

Puerto Rico. He had flown to Puerto Rico 

_Well, at least it was almost better than being drunk in his apartment_ , she thought as she came back to the motel room where they were staying for the night, no flights out until tomorrow morning. 

She had been at the small clothing store a few places down from the motel, picking up some extra clothes for Mulder as he showered. Escaping from the satellite station in a hurry, they had left without any of his things. 

She set the bag of items down: a pack of underwear, undershirts, and a pair of jeans, as he came out of the bathroom, his body still slightly damp and a towel around his waist. 

As they stared at one another, her heart began to race. He had worried her the last couple of weeks and led her on a wild goose chase to Puerto Rico. She should be angrier than she was and yet the desire to be with him was impossible to ignore. 

The hand holding his towel gave a little tug and it fell to the floor. He was already semi-hard and seeing him that way, her desire for him increased. Her hands went to the buttons of her pants almost of their own volition and within seconds she was as naked as him...

“You didn’t seem surprised to see me when I showed up at the satellite station,” she told him, her body still thrumming with pleasure, as she shifted under the scratchy motel sheets. 

She watched him rummage through the bag for the underwear she had purchased, and he laughed bitterly as he looked at her with the pack of them in his hand. 

“After the past few weeks, and all I’ve seen _here…_ and not to mention _this_ ,” he said, gesturing between them and she smiled slightly. “I’m honestly not surprised by much right now.” He gave her a small smile and she nodded with a sigh, feeling very naked suddenly, and not in the physical sense. 

He dropped the pack of underwear on the chair and got back into bed. They lay facing each other, words that needed to be said, lying silent between them. She tried to formulate them, push them through her lips, but they remained inside of her, locked up tight. 

With a deep sigh, he laid a hand on her hip and stared at her as he attempted to say something. She smiled softly and moved closer to him, breathing in his scent as she closed her eyes, feeling like a huge coward. 

“I should’ve told you,” he whispered. 

“I would’ve told you not to go,” she whispered back and he hummed in response. 

They both fell silent, her eyes becoming heavy as his fingers ran slowly through her hair, her worry for him at rest. 

For the time being anyway. 

They left early the next morning, never having discussed anything, though they both knew they should. They could not carry on with this type of behavior, not without some kind of understanding, or someone was bound to get hurt. 

Watching him and knowing her own heart, she knew that it could very well be her. Wanting to avoid that pain, she pushed away the words she wanted to say, and smiled at him as they walked onto the plane. 

_________________

_July 15th 1994_

She stayed on the bench as Mulder walked down toward the water, his annoyance and anger obvious at the evidence and also _lack_ of evidence about the fluke larva. 

“I know it’s not exactly what you wanted to hear,” she said to him and he shook his head, shrugging his shoulders.

“It’s not as though I should have expected anything less,” he said sarcastically, turning around to look at her, and she smiled sympathetically.

He walked back to the bench and sat down, staring out across the water, and shaking his head again.

“Have you eaten?” he asked, surprising her.

“A meal? Together? In public? No covering our tracks?” she teased and he smiled. 

“You jest, Scully, but when the day comes and you need to rely on those skills…” He shrugged again and she laughed.

“Well, as nice as that offer is, your previous warning was not just empty words.” He looked at her and shook his head in confusion. “You _do_ smell really bad, Mulder.” 

“Oh,” he said with a smile, as she waved her hand in front of her face with a smile of her own.

“So, no dinner then?” he asked and she turned her head to take a loud deep breath, and he laughed.

“Maybe. If we can find a place that offers outdoor seating.” He cleared his throat and she smiled. “Or we could order in some Chinese or something at your place and while we wait for it, you could… take a long shower.” 

“Okay,” he said with a nod. “That sounds better.” He grinned and stood up but she remained seated.

“You go on ahead. I need to space out the smell.” He laughed and shook his head, taking a few steps away from the bench. She smiled at him as he turned around when he was a safe distance away, making sure she was following him. 

Later, after his shower and the food was eaten, he stared at her as they sat on the couch.

“I hate this assignment. Those wiretap calls… it’s monotonous and exhausting.” He shook his head and she reached for his hand. “And then this case comes up… it should have been a case resolved by us– together.” 

“Well, one could argue that we did solve it, just a little bit late.” 

“Hmm,” he sighed. “I told Skinner we should have been in charge of it.” 

“And?” 

“He agreed.” 

“Hmm.” He nodded and she squeezed his hand. “He wouldn’t have called you in on the case if he didn’t believe you could solve it.” He laughed bitterly and she gave him a serious look. “I mean it, Mulder. You are an amazing profiler and Skinner knows that.”

He sighed and nodded, squeezing her hand before standing to his feet.

“We have a friend at the FBI, Scully. I don’t know who but it’s got to count for something.” She nodded and he smiled at her. 

“Do… Do you want to stay? Or… I don’t…” He stared at her and she smiled.

“Well, you _do_ smell much better now,” she teased. He let out a breath of a laugh, though his shoulders remained tense as he stared at her. “I do want to stay. As long as that’s… if it’s okay.”

His shoulders relaxed and he let out a deep breath, nodding with a smile. He reached out his hand and she smiled as she placed her hand in his, allowing him to pull her to her feet.

Placing his other hand on her cheek, he nodded, looking into her eyes. 

“It’s more than okay.” 

________________

_August 7th 1994_

As they left the parking lot of the Travel Time Travel Agency, Scully glanced at Mulder. His eyes were closed and he looked exhausted.

Coming into his apartment, he headed straight for the shower and she walked into the kitchen to see if it held anything edible. Finding a half dozen eggs and some bread in the refrigerator, she scrambled up some eggs and made some toast. 

Just as she was finishing, she heard him sitting down at the dining room table. Setting down their plates, she sat in the chair beside him and he smiled sadly. Picking up his fork, they ate silently, until he pushed his plate forward, still half full. 

She rubbed his arm as she stood up and took their plates into the kitchen. He stayed at the table as she cleaned up and put away the food. When she was finished, she joined him at the table, and stared at him. 

“I’m tired, Scully,” he said quietly and she nodded. They got up from the table and she turned out the lights as they walked into his bedroom. 

“I, uh,” he said, looking down and not meeting her eyes. 

“You need to sleep,” she said, and he looked up with a relieved sigh. 

“Yes. But… I… I would like you to stay. Please?”

“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.”

“Good.”

He handed her a shirt and she went into the bathroom to change. It seemed a little silly as he had seen her completely naked, but tonight felt different; sad and reserved. 

Turning the light off as she left the bathroom, she found him already under the covers. Stepping around the bed, she turned off the bedroom light and then lay down beside him.

He reached for her immediately, holding her close with a sign. She said nothing, letting him decide if he wanted to fill the silence.

“Regardless if Duane’s story is true, Scully, I feel sorry for him. I hope he’s able to get the help he needs. No one should… No one should live that way.” He sighed, holding her tighter and she felt him shaking his head.

“No, Mulder. No one should suffer that way.”

They were quiet again and she thought he was asleep, until he took a deep breath, and let it out slowly.

“Thank you for staying,” he whispered. She nodded against his chest and within minutes he was asleep.

Listening to him breathing, she closed her eyes. Tonight had been incredibly stressful. They were no longer partners and yet they still were, just in a different way right now. 

Sighing deeply, she felt a sadness within her, as though something was coming, but she did not know what. She knew in her heart that the arrangement they had could not last forever, and in fact, it could all end tomorrow. 

Fighting back a sob, she focused on the moment: the solid feel of his body, the scent of his soap, and the sound of his heartbeat close to her ear.

______________

_November 11th 1994_

Even before they flew out to the Cascade Mountains to investigate the Firewalker site, Mulder had expressed once again his worry for her, but she shot him down. Too much of her time had been lost. It was time she would never get back nor properly understand. She needed to work. To keep moving forward. 

The case, as had others in the past, ended with them in quarantine. Neither of them showed any signs of sickness and yet they would be there for a month, to be completely sure they would not be a danger to the major population. 

They had days to kill and hours that seemed to stretch on forever. She saw the way he looked at her, the questions that still lingered about her abduction, but she did not want to talk about that, not right then. What memories she had, she did not want to revisit. They hurt far too badly.

A horrible dream one night, left her flailing about wildly, gasping for air, and soaked with sweat. Showering and changing her clothes, she shivered as she walked quietly down to Mulder’s room, needing to feel safe, when she had felt so alone and terrified. 

He was surprised at first, as she slipped under the covers. His eyes searched hers as he rubbed his hands up and down her arms. As her shivers stopped, she glanced at his lips, before looking back into his eyes with a nod. 

Eager fingers and lips learned one another again, as they showed the other how much they had been missed. Words were not spoken, but each kiss and touch seemed to scream out louder than the silence. 

Lying together in the afterglow, he spoke the words she knew were coming, but hated to hear. 

“We are on the precipice, Scully,” he whispered, his fingers running slowly through her hair, her fingers scratching softly at his chest. “We worked hard to get back here and sacrifices… things that I… I never wanted to happen… if I could go back…” 

“I know, Mulder,” she whispered and he fell silent, but she knew there was more he wanted to say. 

“We will be under more scrutiny than before, of that I have no doubt. I don’t… we can’t give them more ammunition to use against us,” he said and she closed her eyes with a sigh. “I… this… we can’t. Our professional partnership… it has to be enough, Scully.” 

She knew he was right, but it still sent a wave of pain to her heart. Once more, _she_ had been the one to initiate their coupling and he was the one to insist it could not be more than what it _had_ been. She felt almost foolish for coming to him tonight. For not being brave enough to fight her nighttime demons alone. 

She needed to get up. Go back to her own room. Making to move from his bed, he stopped her. 

“Wait. I know I said what I did, but… not yet,” he pleaded quietly, his eyes hopeful as he stared at her. “Not yet, please.” 

As quickly as she had felt the need to bolt, she now felt the need to stay. She nodded and laid back down, her head on his shoulder. His arms went around her, as he held her close and kept the worries and bad dreams at bay. 

For one week, they spent every night together. In the morning of the last day of the quarantine, she moved from his embrace, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake him.

It was pointless, she learned, as she sat up to find that he was already awake. The eyes that had been happy and hopeful for the past seven days, were now sad. She kissed him one last time and headed back to her room. 

Closing the door, she slid to the floor and covered her mouth, trying to keep her cries as silent as possible. 

As much as she may want more, their partnership had to be enough. It was the right decision. 

So then why did it feel so wrong? 


	3. Toeing the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back working on the X-Files, how will they continue to be professional partners, without giving in to the need for one another, when life becomes to hard?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we began on a journey through the years and get a glimpse of how partners to lovers to partners, handle their ever changing path.

_December 1994_

The decision made in the dark of a quarantine bedroom was one they adhered too, as much as it may have hurt. 

She ached for him at the oddest moments, like when his hand landed on the small of her back and his fingers rubbed softly. Or when he gently wiped barbecue sauce from her face on their very next case. She knew he was not acutely aware of what he was doing, but Jesus did it hurt sometimes. 

There were moments, especially during cases that demanded more from both of them, when she thought perhaps they would move from the relationship they had, to the one she knew they both wanted, but denied to themselves. 

When their professional partnership would no longer be enough. 

But though they did comfort and care for one another, they continued to remain professional. Well for them anyway. 

No one knew the line they had crossed except for them, and they kept it that way. She knew that people speculated about them at work. While on cases, she was mistakenly referred to as his wife or he her husband, and they laughed about it later. 

But no one knew about the nights when she wished he was there, wanting to feel his arms around her, or see him in the kitchen in the morning, fighting with the coffee machine as it always spilled over when he filled the reservoir. 

Their romance had been too brief and she had not appreciated it as much as she should have when she was in the moment. Even when he was driving her crazy, leaving his wet towels on the floor or his dirty dishes in the sink, he was there, filling up the empty places in her life. 

Empty, that was how she felt. Until the rules they had agreed to, began to bend and change. 

_____________

_April 1995_

They sat in a motel room off the highway they had walked beside, staying off the main road, not wanting to attract attention. They were both tired and confused by what they had seen in the Strughold Mining Facility. 

Shaking his head, Mulder stood up and paced the room, saying nothing but breathing deeply. 

"Mulder, please sit down, just watching you makes me tired,” she said with a sigh, rubbing her temple. 

“Scully, what the hell were all of those files doing there? Why there?” 

“I don’t know. Honestly…” She shook her head, biting her lip to stop the tears that were threatening to spill over. She was worried for her sister and why a file with her name on it was held within the tunnels of a mine. “Mulder, I… I…” She choked out a sob and he stopped pacing, coming over to kneel down in front of her. 

“Scully,” he whispered, putting his arms around her as she clung to him, crying on his shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay. It’s okay.” She shook her head, not knowing if things _would_ be okay. 

“I’m so tired, Mulder,” she said, her voice muffled against his neck and she felt him nod. 

Leaning back, he stood up and helped her to her feet. He pulled the blankets back on the bed and told her to sit down. He took off her shoes and as she laid down and he pulled the blankets up and over her. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Scully,” he whispered, squatting beside the bed and stroking her hair, as she closed her eyes and nodded. 

"Can… would you hold me?” she whispered, opening her eyes and staring at him. 

Knowing what she was asking, especially since the last time had been agreed that it would be the _last_ time. His hesitation caused her to shake her head. 

“It’s okay. I just… it’s okay.” She started to turn over, facing away from him, when he stopped her. 

“I’m sorry. Please… don’t…” He walked around to the side of the bed, turning off the light as he did, plunging the room into darkness. 

She heard him fumbling around, and then he was under the blankets beside her, his arms wrapping around her and holding her close. Taking a shuddering breath, she turned over and burrowed into his embrace. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” he whispered again, and for that moment, she wanted to believe he was right. 

Closing her eyes, she sent up a prayer of protection over Missy and her mother, wishing she could be with them. 

Thankful that she was not alone, she let his soothing sounds and the feel of his hands bring her the comfort she desperately needed. 

_______________

_November 1996_

After that night, they began to fall into a _mostly_ professional partnership.

Cases they had were still emotionally and physically draining, and after or during some of them, the only way to get through it, was with each other. No one else understood the pain they suffered. 

The Roche case took a toll on him, the likes of which she had never seen. He was reckless and desperate to find the answers he was searching for. For himself and for those who had lost a loved one so long ago.

She ignored her head as it told her to stay home and let him have the time he needed to himself. She went to his apartment and sat with him, knowing _that_ was what he needed. He told her stories about Samantha that he had not mentioned before, laughing softly and then sighing heavily at times. 

“It feels selfish to say that I both wanted and was terrified that Karen Ann would be Samantha,” he said quietly, setting down a slice of pizza they had ordered. 

“I wouldn’t call it selfish,” she replied, wiping her hands on a napkin. “Twenty three years is a long time to not know what truly happened, Mulder. I might not agree with the way you carried out your decision, but I don’t fault you. Losing someone, especially in a tragic way, it leaves us empty.” 

“Yeah,” he agreed with a sigh, shaking his head. “My mother deserves an answer and I hate that I can’t give her one.” She took his hand in hers and laid her head on his shoulder, with a sigh. 

“I know, Mulder.” 

He nodded and sighed again as he squeezed her hand. 

“I’m not giving up, Scully.” 

“No. _We_ aren’t giving up, Mulder.” 

She stayed that night, sleeping together on his leather couch, their limbs intertwined. The feeling so achingly familiar, she wanted to hold onto it forever, but knew that night would have to be enough. 

___________

_April 1997_

At the house in Quonochontaug, after being questioned by the police and examined by the paramedics, he had insisted on going home and not staying in the area. He was in no condition to drive,so she arranged to have his car towed back to his apartment.

Driving home, she decided to bring him to her apartment instead of dropping him off at his own. She wanted to keep an eye on him, make sure he was okay, and be there for him when the inevitable bad dreams would appear.

He slept the entire way home, only waking up when the car stopped. Turning his head he looked at her with questions in his eyes. 

“I just want to be sure you’re okay,” she said softly. 

“Paramedics said I was fine,” he insisted, his voice scratchy from sleep. 

“So they did,” she replied, taking the keys from the ignition. “But I don’t really give a shit. I know you and you’re far from fine. It’s here or the hospital, take your pick.” He said nothing and she nodded as she stared at him. 

“Will you be getting out on your own, or do you need some help?” At that question, he laughed bitterly and then groaned in pain, placing his hand on his head. 

“I think I may need some help,” he whispered and she huffed out a breath as she rolled her eyes. 

She came around and helped him out, holding him up and letting him lean heavily against her. He moaned and panted, his face sweaty by the time they reached her door. 

Once inside, she led him down the hallway to the bathroom, where he sat down heavily on the closed toilet. Turning on the water, she adjusted it to the proper temperature, and placed the plug inside, letting the warm water fill the tub. 

“I take it back,” he said tiredly. 

“What?” she asked, debating whether she should add some bubbles or oils; something to help him really relax. 

“You _do_ draw my bath,” he answered with a small smile. 

"You’re hilarious,” she replied, reaching for a bottle of lavender scented bath oil, and poured in a couple of capfuls; the scent calming her. 

“That smells good,” he said quietly and she turned to look at him. 

His eyes were closed and she could see the blood on his head from the procedure he had allowed Doctor Goldstein to perform on him. Shaking her head, she stood in front of him and then knelt down, taking off his shoes and socks as he sighed loudly. 

Putting her hand on his shoulder, he opened his eyes, and she saw so much pain within them, it made her heart ache. 

“Come on. Let’s get you up.” 

She pulled him gently to his feet and then helped undress him, throwing his clothes by the doorway, intent on tossing them in the washing machine. 

Once again he leaned on her, groaning as he stepped into the warm water, and sank down, his eyes closed. The tub was not completely full so she left the water running as she gathered his clothes and her own from her laundry basket and started the washer. She changed her clothes quickly and came back into the bathroom to turn off the water. 

Taking a towel and washcloth from the linen closet, she set them on the toilet, picking up the washcloth and kneeling beside the tub. She set it in the water and then rubbed her wet hands up his arm to his shoulder. 

“You don’t have to do that,” he breathed and she looked up, meeting his eyes. Again, she saw so much sadness and pain, she wanted to take it away from him. 

“I know. But I want to,” she whispered, as she rose up on her knees to reach him easier. 

“Scully,” he sighed, and shook his head, closing his eyes again. 

“Why would you do that, Mulder?” she asked him again, placing a hand on the wound at his temple. 

“I need to know, Scully,” he said simply, as though that was all he needed to say. 

“It’s not enough, Mulder.” 

He opened his eyes and looked at her, his hand reaching up to hold her wrist, keeping his touch loose, just as he had so many years ago. His thumb stroked softly across her skin and she saw his eyes fill with tears. 

“I need to know… before...” 

His sentence hung there like a dark cloud, a weight on her soul, and a dagger in her heart. 

_Before_. 

Before there was a possibility that she was not there. Before she succumbed to a disease that was out of her control. Before she… before… 

She leaned closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, as he sat forward, both of them crying. 

He murmured words that she did not completely understand, her cries loud as she finally let them go; crying for the pain they both were going through. She pulled back as he began to get out of the tub, her pajamas wet from his body. 

Grabbing the towel, he dried himself just enough and then dropped it onto the floor as he reached for her. His fingers began to open the buttons of her pajama top, and then it too landed on the floor, her pants following. 

He pulled her to the bedroom and for the first time in nearly three years, they followed the pull of desire, and listened to their hearts. 

Three years and he remembered every spot on her body that made her moan and cry his name. His tongue ran across areas she had forgotten could be aroused and his fingers wrote a letter of love upon her skin. 

Slowly, they moved together, her name falling from his lips, as she ran her nails down his back, the feel of him inside of her, a sensation she had gone without for far too long. 

They crashed over the edge together, both of them panting and breathing each other’s name. 

Then she felt hot tears on her neck and she clung to him, her fingers digging into his skin, as she began to cry with him. For the risky chances he had taken, her own uncertain health, and mostly because she had missed being with him in this way. 

So very much. 

“I’m sorry,” he cried and she wrapped her limbs around him tighter, needing to feel him all around her. She kept him from leaving her, even when he physically needed to do so. 

Finally moving, they lay side by side, as she held him close, his breathing becoming deep, and she knew he was falling asleep. As much as she would have loved to talk more, take advantage of the precious moments they had together, she knew he needed to sleep. 

She closed her eyes, holding him close, reveling in the feel of the solid warmth of his body. She breathed deeply, finally able to relax after days of worry. 

“NO!” he yelled, and her eyes flew open. He thrashed, gripping at his head, and then went rigid. 

“Mulder!” She placed a hand at his throat, feeling for a pulse. She could see that he was breathing and feel that his heart was racing far too fast. 

Jumping out of bed, she grabbed the phone and dialed 911, angry with herself for not taking him sooner, despite his protests. She was the one who had kept insisting he go to the hospital, but then as soon as things seemed to have reached their climax, she had caved when he said he was fine and did not want to go. 

So stupid of her. 

An ambulance on its way, she threw on some clothes and attempted to rouse him, but he was unconscious. Not worrying about his state of dress, she stroked his hair and monitored his vital signs, apologizing for not taking him earlier. 

When he woke up, nearly five hours later, she was sitting beside him. He reached for her hand and she clasped it with a sad smile. He pulled gently and she rose from the chair, sitting beside him on the bed. 

Neither of them spoke as they stared at each other, his hand in her lap as she gently rubbed his fingers. With too many things needing to be said, it was better to say nothing. 

Right? 

__________

_May 1998_

“There are talks going on right now about reassignment,” she said softly and he looked up at her. 

“For who?”

“Both of us. These talks included instructions from the Justice Department to close down the X-Files.”

“This was all strategized – every move. I just couldn’t see it. It was all part of a plan.”

“Mulder, whatever you may believe, this time they may have won,” she said, feeling very tired and sad at the possibility of being split up again. 

“There’s nothing we can do, Scully,” he said with a sigh, sounding as tired as she felt. He shook his head, falling silent and closing his eyes. 

“It’s not like you to give up,” she whispered, suddenly feeling close to tears. He scoffed and shook his head again, but offered up nothing further to their conversation. 

She sighed silently as she stared at him, the desire to reach for him strong, but she held back. 

Since her remission and as she gained her strength back, he had pulled back from her. She felt that he held her at arms length, almost as though afraid she was delicate and would break at any given moment. 

Losing Emily, he had been there for her, but then disappeared at times as though afraid to get too close again. There had been nights, when she ached to call him, but fought the urge to do so. The nights when she lost the inner battle and she had called, she would not receive an answer.

When Robert Modell and Linda Bowman had played their mind games on him, it seemed as though a wall had begun to go up around them, and she had no idea how to find a way inside. 

Ruskin Dam… not knowing how she would have gotten to a place she had never heard of or been to, she had felt it again. He had been there for her, caring as he always had, but it no longer felt like a wall, but more like a path she could not follow. 

It seemed they were traveling together, but walking along separate trails. While they may remain mostly visible to one another or arrive at the same destination, it was as though they had taken a completely different route in order to get there. 

And now Diana…

Someone from his past whom she had never heard of and still did not know much about. She knew he cared for her, knew she had been as Frohike called her “Mulder’s chickadee,” but what exactly did that entail? And more importantly, did she truly want to know? 

Watching him, she sighed. The uncertainty of the night, making her feel antsy and wired. And then… she smiled slightly, though it hardly seemed like a time to do so. 

They were being shut down. Again. There was nothing happy about that, and yet… 

This could be their second chance. 

Maybe…

They had hardly truly known each other the last time they found themselves facing reassignment. It did not stop them, however, from falling into a strange non-relationship relationship. 

For four years, they had worked around that little blip in time, and once again they found themselves standing on a precipice of change. 

Feeling a sense of lightness, despite the dark moment they were currently residing in, she swallowed and licked her lips.

A year had gone by without the physical contact she craved and now… Now maybe it was their chance to try again. Maybe he would want what she wanted. What she _had_ always wanted, but had been terrified to articulate. 

“Mulder,” she said quietly, and he turned his head a little, but did not open his eyes.

“Hmm?” he asked. 

She took a deep breath, ready to lay it all on the line and tell him the way they had been living was not enough for her anymore. 

She smiled and started to rise from the chair, when the phone rang, startling them both.

“Hello?” she said, as she picked it up, her heart racing at the words she was waiting to say to him. And then her stomach dropped as she stood up quickly. “Wh… what?” 

Mulder sat up and looked at her as she turned toward him. “What?” he whispered, and she shook her head, the ability to speak suddenly escaping her. 

She hung up the phone and stared at him, not sure how to say the words she knew would break his heart. 

“What, Scully? Is it Diana?” She shook her head and he stood up beside her. “What is it, Scully?” 

“There’s been a fire, Mulder. Our office… There was a fire.” Her voice was cold and disconnected, unable to process the news she had just heard. He stared at her and shook his head in disbelief. 

“Who was that?”

“Skinner,” she whispered. 

He stepped back, his eyes on hers, and she saw how much he wanted her to be wrong. She nodded her head, unable to tell him anything but the truth. He turned around, grabbed his jacket, and walked out the door, the door staying wide open and waiting for her. She grabbed her coat and followed him. 

The words she wanted to tell him, burning away to ash inside of her, the life she had been imagining, evaporating like smoke.


	4. Erasing the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter into the journey back to each other. It has been a difficult and often sad journey, but they have persevered and now what will the future hold?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the last of the chapters in the journey of "what if" season 1 had ended a bit differently. I hope you all enjoyed this little canon/au-ish story, 
> 
> Sarie_Fairy, I hope it was what you had in mind.

_November 1998_

Scully sighed as they pulled up to Mulder’s apartment, glancing at him as she put the car in park. 

“Thanks for the ride,” he said, as he unbuckled his seat belt.

“Wait, please.”

He turned his head and looked at her, his eyebrows lifting. She could see the small bruise on his face, the one he told her the “other” Scully had given him. Her lips curled up, even though it was not exactly funny. 

“Seriously? You’re laughing about this again?” he asked, as he gestured to his face.

“I am not laughing,” she said and shook her head, her eyes wide and innocent. 

“The hell you’re not,” he grumbled, shaking his head at her. “I’m hurt and you think it’s funny?”

“When you run off on your own and get yourself in trouble, yeah, I do think it’s a bit funny.”

“Good to know,” he said, giving her the sad puppy eyes. She rolled her eyes and sighed, giving him a look. “Did you want me to wait, just to laugh about the bruise on my face? Again?” 

“No, Mulder, that’s not why I wanted you to wait.” He stared at her and waited as she exhaled out of breath.

“You know what? Why don’t you come up? I’m sure whatever you have to say would be better said over a cup of tea.” He smiled and opened his door.

A cup of tea in front of each of them, she took another deep breath and looked at him. He smiled at her, tilting his head to the side. She rolled her eyes again, at the worry he had caused her over the past few days.

“You can’t keep doing this, Mulder,” she said, letting out a breath. 

“Scully, this assignment we’re stuck with--”

“I know,” she said. “I know you’re bored. Christ, it’s tedious to say the least. But going off on your own… we are still partners, the last time I checked. We may not have the X-Files, but we still have each other. You… you still have me.” 

His eyes widened as he looked at her, his words from so long ago, now spoken back to him. He cleared his throat with a sigh, as he wrapped his hands around his cup of tea. 

“Last time we were reassigned, we were separated. And this time, as shitty as this assignment is, literally speaking, at least we're still together,” she said quietly. “You going off on your own and pulling these stunts… they might cost you the chance to one day get the X-Files back. Cost _us_ that chance.” He nodded as he looked down at the table, one finger tracing circles upon the surface.

“You can’t keep going off on your own, Mulder.”

“A ghost ship in the middle of the Bermuda triangle, is hardly your type of thing, Scully,” he said in a low voice, that sent a shiver of desire down her spine. 

“Maybe not,” she agreed. “But neither is finding you floating facedown in the middle of the ocean. Nor is running around the bureau trying to find someone to help me with information on your whereabouts.” He looked up and she raised her eyebrows at him. 

“I had to leave fast and…”

“Nope,” she said, shaking her head, letting him know that excuse would not cut it. He sighed and she shook her head again. 

“You would have told me not to go. Like Puerto Rico,” he said matter-of-factly. 

“And look what each place got you: no hard evidence and the beginnings of a shiner. _And_ nearly killed. Until I showed up that is,” she said, with the same matter-of-fact tone. “That alone should be reason enough to make sure I’m there with you; my exquisite company notwithstanding.”

He laughed and she crossed her arms with a smirk on her face. They stared at each other and she felt they had reached an understanding. 

Things were a little rocky right then with them. After the lack of hard evidence in relation to Antarctica, the loss of the X-Files, a new superior, and the aforementioned shitty assignments they were currently assigned to work on, they were both snippy with each other at times. 

Now though, just them sitting together in his apartment, it felt like old times. His eyes burned into hers and then it felt like old _old_ times, when a look from him would lead to hours spent in bed. 

Not wanting to push, knowing they were not quite ready, she stood up and sighed with a smile. He stood as well and they stared at each other for a few seconds longer, before he nodded and she turned to go.

“So, we have an accord?” she asked, standing by the door. “I really don’t like to run around the bureau and make a spectacle of myself. Nor do I really want to chance kissing Skinner in the elevator again.” 

“WHAT?!” he demanded, stepping closer to her. “You kissed Skinner?!” 

“Yeah, and unless you want to hear about it again, you’ll be sure to _not_ leave me out of your hijinks.” She opened the door and he stuttered behind her. 

“When… when you say you… kissed him…”

“What about that sentence did you not understand?”

“Pretty much the whole fucking thing,” he said, crossing his arms and staring at her.

“I don’t know how I can make it any more simple. I kissed Skinner in the elevator.” She crossed her arms and stared at him as she shrugged her shoulders. 

“Is that something you do on a normal basis?”

“Not as such. But as I said if some things become routine, then so do other things.” 

“Is that right?”

“It’s how we evolve,” she said with another shrug. 

He exhaled deep breaths through his nose, staring at her with hard eyes, and she wished she could know exactly what was going on inside of his mind.

“Okay, well I’m gonna get going now. You get some sleep, Mulder. And keep an eye on that bruise, I would hate for it to get worse.” She stepped through the door and into the hallway. 

“Why did you kiss him?” he asked quietly and she turned to look at him, his face serious.

“Because he helped me find you,” she stated, without hesitation.

“How did you kiss him?”

“With my lips?”

He tilted his head and exhaled deeply, out of his mouth this time, his jaw clenching when he was finished. 

“Do you need a demonstration?” 

“I don’t think it would be too much to ask for,” he answered and she took a step closer, watching his eyes dilate and his breathing become ragged. 

“Well, you see, I was practically begging _anyone_ for help,” she said, stepping closer and licking her lips. “Skinner, Kersh, Spender… Skinner just happened to get what I needed first.” She put her hands on his chest and he cleared his throat. 

“You… you would have kissed… Kersh?” 

“Well, I mean, I didn’t _plan_ on kissing Skinner. It just happened.” She slowly grasped his shirt in her hands and he moaned softly. “I was just so happy to get what I needed, what I so desperately wanted, I got carried away.” 

“And you… you kissed him like this?” he asked, nodding down at her hands grasping his shirt, and she fought back her laughter at the thought of kissing Skinner with such a slow, sensual approach. 

Nope. Never gonna happen. But, Mulder did not need to know that. 

Not yet. 

“Well, I _was_ very happy.” 

“Scully…” he whispered, his breath smelling of tea. 

“Yes, I was very happy to learn of your whereabouts… as you were apparently gallivanting around a party ship, with my doppelgänger, in a red satin dress and a fancy hairdo.” She stepped back and he leaned forward, a look of surprise on his face. 

“Wha…” 

“Mmm-hmm,” she said, stepping back again with a smile, continuing down the hall backwards towards the elevator, her eyes on him the whole way. “I guess we each have a mystery, to which we'll never truly know the answer.” She pushed the down button and as luck would have it, the doors opened immediately. She stepped inside and waved goodbye, staring at his mouth hanging open until the doors closed. 

Laughing, as she hit the lobby button, she shook her head, thinking of all the pouting he would now do over the next few days. 

The elevator began to slow down, and she looked up, knowing it had not yet arrived in the lobby. Stepping back, she made some space for whoever was waiting to come inside. When the doors opened on the third floor, she was surprised to find Mulder standing there, slightly out of breath. 

“What…” Was all she was able to get out, before his lips were on hers in a bruising kiss, as he walked her backwards and pushed her against the elevator wall. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he bent his legs, lifting her as her legs went around his waist. His tongue was exploring her mouth and her fingernails pressing into his neck, when she heard the ding of the elevator, announcing its arrival to the lobby. 

He pulled back and lowered her to the floor, straightening his shirt as he stepped back. Running his fingers through his hair, he looked at her, and motioned for her to step out.

Clearing her throat, she smoothed down her own hair, slightly dizzy as she walked past him and out of the elevator, turning to look at him as she exited. 

“It better not have been like that,” he said, staring at her with desire in his eyes. 

“Similar, but not exactly the same,” she teased, licking and then biting her lips, savoring the taste of his kiss.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, shaking his head, his eyes staying on hers as the elevator doors closed. 

Laughing, she walked out of the lobby and to her car, knowing he would no longer be forgetting to include her on his little side adventures. 

_____________

_April 1999_

Scully smiled as she watched Mulder talking to the little boy who had been shagging balls for them for the past hour. He was cute, although she wondered about his dated clothing and where his parents were for him to be out late and on his own. 

Deciding not to worry about it, she fanned her coat open and closed, trying to cool herself down. She was hot, but by no means was she going to take off her new coat. Mulder had been right, it was expensive.

“Thanks again, Poorboy!” Mulder called as he walked back toward her, grinning widely. 

“Sure thing, Mister!” He waved and ran off, seeming to disappear into the night. 

“Where is he going?” she asked, looking around to see if she saw anybody else in the area.

“Not entirely sure, to tell you the truth.” He made a worried face at her as he looked over his shoulder. 

“You didn’t think to ask why a child was out on his own?” she asked incredulously. 

“Umm…” 

“Mulder!” She laughed and slapped his arm with a shake of her head.

“Relax, his parents are a couple of fields over. They said to leave the stuff here and they would come get it later, so we’re free to go if you’re ready.” He smiled at her and she looked around, then grinned back, looking him up and down. 

“What?” he asked with a chuckle. 

“That was seriously it? _That_ was my birthday present?” she asked, waving toward the field. “Or have you got something in the car or hidden on your person?” 

“Ohhh… do you want to pat me down to see?” he asked, sticking his arms out wide and wiggling his eyebrows at her.

“No, that’s okay. It would be something small, if it fit inside of your jeans pocket and well, I prefer bigger gifts,” she said with a shrug and a heavy put upon sigh. 

She stared at him, watching his face go through a myriad of emotions as he tried to decide what to say to her. She waited, wondering when he was going to get to the joke, but he held his tongue which surprised her.

“Nothing, huh? No quip? No joke about size… of gifts? _Nothing_?” she teased with a grin and he raised his eyebrows as he smiled mysteriously. “Really?” 

“I feel like it doesn’t need to be said, because I _know_ that you enjoy, I mean prefer, big… gifts.” He inclined his head toward her and she laughed.

He picked up his bat and they started to walk to their cars. She took a deep breath of the sweet nighttime spring air and exhaled happily.

“So, it wasn’t a gift-gift, but did you have fun?”

“I did. I liked it. Thank you for the baseball lesson. It was the best one I’ve ever had. The only one I’ve ever had, so the competition isn't very fierce.” He laughed and she winked at him. 

“Well, anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed it, because you can’t take it back.” 

“Oh? He didn’t keep the receipt?” He bumped her shoulder and they both laughed. 

“Jokes aside though, Scully, you’re a natural at baseball.” He grinned and she nodded with a head tilt. 

“Huh…” she said, taking her keys from her pocket and holding them in her hand. “It’s almost as though a girl growing up with two brothers, and playing with countless other children on naval bases all over the world, wouldn’t know how to hit a baseball.” His eyes widened and she grinned. 

“You… you knew?” 

“Mulder, I’m 35 years old. Do you seriously think I’ve _never_ hit a baseball? Never in my life?” He stared at her and she chuckled. 

“I… I honestly don’t know what to think. You’re… Jesus, Scully, you’re a puzzle I don’t think I will ever solve,” he said softly, as he shook his head. 

“Probably not,” she teased and he laughed. “But won’t it be fun trying?” 

“Without question,” he said softly and she nodded with a smile. 

Then something shifted and time seemed to slow down. They stared at each other, a silent conversation being spoken between them, the actual words not yet ready to be said. 

Things were changing, she could feel it. The words Padgett had said, had been ringing in her head for weeks. 

_Agent Scully is already in love._

If only Mulder could have heard the way her heart had raced and known the thoughts that had been in her head, or more accurately, _were_ in her head. 

If he had been able to know, he would have known how much she loved him, and more importantly, for how _long_. But she had stayed silent. 

They never discussed it. It was pushed aside as were so many other things, though his eyes had silently asked many times. She had wanted to tell him, but she had also been terrified. 

Why was it so hard to say the words out loud? Especially when they both already knew the truth? 

The sweet smell of grass began to invade her senses, as the night air cooled her still warm body, and she cleared her throat. 

“Well, it might not have been expertly wrapped, or wrapped at all, but it was a lovely gift just the same. Thank you, Mulder.” She grinned and he nodded, though he did not smile, his eyes traveling her face. 

She placed her hand on his arm and squeezed gently, and it seemed to wake him up. He shook his head lightly and smiled with a chuckle. 

“You’re welcome,” he said and she took a step back. “Next year, I’ll be sure to find you something really good and wrap it in a big box.” 

“Oh, no need to wait until next year,”she said, as she stepped to her car. “Christmas will be here before we know it. I also enjoy getting gifts on that day as well.” She smiled as she opened her door and heard his laughter on the breeze. 

“Duly noted,” he replied, nodding his head at her. 

“Good night, Mulder,” she said, and got in the car. He put his hand up and nodded again, an adorable smile on his face. 

Driving away, she knew how easy it would be to either turn around or surprise him and wait for him at his apartment. Taking a deep breath, she shook her head. 

Not yet. 

She knew something was coming. A time when all the little signs would finally be enough. 

__________

_January 1, 2000_

“Ow!” 

“Oh, shut up.” 

“I’m injured here, and you’re manhandling me, or _womanhandling_. Be gentle.” He pouted and she rolled her eyes as she adjusted his sling. 

“I’m barely touching you. Stop being such a baby.” He huffed out a breath and she smiled. “There that should be better. I swear they never do it quite right.” 

“You mean, they never do it to your standards,” he quipped, wincing a little as he looked down at his arm.

“No, I mean to what I would consider standards acceptable by _all_ doctors,” she said, watching him move his arm to how it was most comfortable for him.

“Yeah, yeah, sure Doc,” he said, looking at her with a half smile. 

“You say you want me to be nice and then you get to be sassy?” she said, raising her eyebrows at him. “I’ll just head out then. See you tomorrow.” She stood up and stepped past him, no intentions of leaving yet, but wanting him to think so. The chair scraped behind her as he stood up quickly and she smiled. 

“Come on,” he growled and she turned around with a chuckle. He shook his head and sighed. 

“It is late though and you took a pain pill. I actually should be going and give you a chance to rest.” She smiled and his face fell. 

“Oh. You… you didn’t want… to stay?” he asked, clearing his throat. “I thought… that you might want to stay.” 

“Do you want me to stay?” 

“Only if _you_ want to stay.” He blinked and pitched forward a little.

 _There it was_ , she thought, seeing the heaviness in his eyes. 

“I think it might be a good idea for you to go to bed,” she said with a smile, reaching for his arm to help him to the bedroom.

“I’m… I’m okay. Just uh…” He stumbled forward again and she choked back a laugh. 

“I know you’re okay. But let’s get you into bed, anyway. Come on.” She tugged on his arm and placed a hand on his back. He bumped into the wall and cursed as she laughed softly again.

“Do you need to use the bathroom?” she asked and he shook his head. 

Leading him to the bed, she helped him sit down and took off his shoes. Helping him to lay down, she covered him with the blanket, and he sighed heavily. 

“I… I wanted,” he sighed, his eyes already closing. “Scully…” 

She waited and watched him, knowing it would not take him long to fall asleep. He was a lightweight when it came to painkillers or any type of narcotics. Considering his size, it always made her laugh when he fell off to dreamland. 

“The bigger they are, the harder they fall,” she said quietly, watching his mouth drop open, as he fell into a deep sleep. 

Bending and kissing his forehead, she walked out of his room and into the kitchen to grab him a glass of water. Picking up the bottle of painkillers, she brought both into his bedroom and set them on the nightstand. She turned on the bedside light, not wanting him to wake up disoriented in the dark. Kissing him once more, she smiled as she left the apartment and locked the door. 

_New Year’s Day,_ she thought as she drove home. _Not the_ true _millennium, but try telling that to the non math geeks._

She smiled and then sighed, thinking about the kiss they shared in the hospital; sweet and tentative, like a new beginning. 

It had been over a year since their hot and frenzied kiss in the elevator. The one that had her stopping for batteries on the way home, not sure if she had enough at home to calm the arousal he had stirred within her. 

A year of lingering gazes, cases that brought them together, literally living together, and ones that pushed them apart. Moments of happiness, fear, worry and sadness. Times when hurtful words were spoken, and though forgiven, still lingered there. Trust questioned and cracked, only to come back stronger, with a quiet energy they both recognized, but did not discuss. 

_Of course not_ , she scoffed, shaking her head. _Of course we haven’t discussed anything._

Instead, there were days and nights in motel rooms, driving in cars, riding in airplanes, when she ached for him, but said nothing. 

“ _The world didn’t end?”_

His words echoed in her head and she sighed. No. It never had. 

The world she had constructed to keep her heart safe, to ignore it as best she could since the morning she left his bed in a quarantine facility. _That_ world had not ended, but carried on around her walled off heart. 

So many times, she had pushed him away or denied her feelings, not wanting to create a problem between them, and risk their professional partnership. It hurt to do so, but the alternative, living without him, _that_ felt like the world ending. Her world anyway. 

So, she kept her world safe and guarded and it had kept spinning. 

But… the times she had laid in his arms, naked and sated from the pleasure he had brought her… _that_ world had not ended either. If the world carried on in those moments, and continued carrying on now when she was alone and without him, then what in the goddamn hell was she doing driving home, when _her_ world was behind her, no doubt drooling on his pillow? 

“Jesus,” she laughed, shaking her head as she pulled over and turned around, her decision made. 

The only decision really. 

Dropping her keys on the dining room table, she took off her jacket, leaving it on a dining room chair. Her shoes were dropped beside it and she took off her shirt as she crossed into his bedroom. She shimmied out of her pants and walked over to the bed. 

Sure enough, he was out cold, a small spot of drool on his pillow. She smiled at him, knowing that if seeing him slack jawed and drooling made her love him even more, she had made the right decision.

Taking out one of his shirts, she took off her bra, put on the shirt, and laid down beside him. He snorted and she jumped, laughing at herself as she did. 

Closing her eyes with a smile, she fell asleep, her dreams peaceful. 

Aside from the snorting zombies. 

__________

The sun was streaming through the windows when she heard a groan behind her. Turning over, as she blinked her eyes, she saw him holding his arm in his sleep. Glancing at the clock, she saw with some surprise that it was 8:30. 

It had been almost eight hours, no wonder he was groaning. She got up and walked around the bed, placing her hand on his shoulder, as he groaned once more. 

“Mulder. Hey, let’s get you some pain meds, okay?” 

“Hmm,” he moaned, and then his eyes flew open. Blinking in the bright light, he looked her up and down, as though unable to believe she was standing there. 

“Scully?” 

“Yeah, it’s me. Come on, let me help you sit up. You need to have some water. Would you like a pain pill or just some ibuprofen?” 

“Scully?” 

“Yes, it’s me,” she laughed, helping him to sit up, mindful of his sore arm.

“You’re wearing one of my shirts,” he said confusedly, looking her up and down again.

“Yes, I am,” she answered, as though she did it every day. “Here have some water.” 

He sat up, swinging his legs off the bed, and sitting on the side of it. Groaning again, he shook his head, one eye closed as he looked at her. 

“You’re here.” 

“I’m pretty sure that we’ve established that, Mulder,” she laughed again, handing him the glass of water.

He took a few drinks, his eyes adjusting to the light, and his mouth twitching with a smile. Pulling the glass from his lips, he licked them, and stared at her.

“You came back,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“I did.”

“I’m glad.”

“Me too.”

They stared at one another, both of them grinning like complete fools.

“You didn’t answer my question. Do you want a painkiller or just some ibuprofen?”

“Why did you come back?” he asked, not answering her question. 

She took the glass from his hand and placed it on the nightstand, suddenly nervous that her decision may not match his own.

“Scully?” he whispered, and she looked at him, as she took a deep breath. 

“The world didn’t end,” she answered and he grinned at her slowly. 

“No, it didn’t,” he said softly. 

“I mean… _all this time_ , the world hasn’t ended— together or apart,” she said quietly, breathing deeply. “We decided that our partnership had to be enough, and it has been— for the most part. But… not anymore. It’s not enough for _me_ anymore.” She stared at him as she opened and closed her mouth, further words she wanted to say getting stuck in her throat. 

“Are you… you don’t want… this anymore?” 

“No.” 

“Oh. After last night I thought…” He shook his head, his shoulders dropping. 

“NO! Oh, Mulder, no,” she said, stepping closer to him. “No, that’s not what I meant.” 

“What did you mean?” he asked, his eyes searching hers. 

“I don’t want our _professional_ partnership to be enough anymore. Because it’s not. It’s not enough, Mulder.” She took a deep breath and waited, her heart pounding. 

He stood unsteadily to his feet, a grimace on his face as he clutched his right arm. She licked her lips and swallowed hard, stepping back to give him some space. 

“It’s not enough anymore?” he asked, his voice low and soft. 

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head, her mouth dry. He nodded, bringing his left hand up to her cheek, his thumb stroking softly. 

“Oh, Scully…” he breathed, and she brought her hand up to hold onto his wrist. His smile matched hers at the memory from years ago, when they had taken their first steps on this life changing journey. He took a deep breath and shook his head, his eyes shining with happiness. “It’s about fucking time.” 


End file.
